Архив конференции Fidonet HUMOR.FILTERED,
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(координатор - Евгений Плисс), и переведенный в html :-)
- HUMOR.FILTERED ---------------------------------------------- HUMOR.FILTERED - From : funny-request@clari.net 2:5020/293 13 Aug 95 13:37:24 Subj : The True News Digest part 14/22 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ┌----------------------------------------------------------------------------┐ Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293) Area : REC.HUMOR.FUNNY From : Funny Guy (2:50/128@fidonet), Monday August 07 1995 05:25 Subj : The True News Digest part 14/22 └----------------------------------------------------------------------------┘ From: ACCVTK@hofstra.bitnet Subject: Kid My friend told me this... Tim was a 8th grade student. He got 98 in the math test. His father gave him 10 dollars in order to praise his effort. Mother: Timmy, now you got 10 dollars in your pocket. How are you going to plan to use it? Tim: (Thinks for a while) I'll buy some candy. Mother: Oh, be mature, hon. Tim: (Thinks for another moment) Well, then I'll buy some beer. = = = = = = = From: drj@among.gis.psu.edu (Daniel Jeuch) Subject: Protection against? Organization: Penn State University In Friday, November 15th in Penn State's _The Daily Collegian_, page 21: "Vaginal Contraception Film has been used over 10 million times by women who want protection against pregnancy as well as enjoyment." = = = = = = = From: bpadget@hubcap.clemson.edu (Barry Padgett) Subject: FAA Thought you might like this.... Three things really bother me about the FAA. one) A plane crashed into a hotel. The FAA reported that the crash caught most of the guests by suprise. Which means someone was saying, "You know Martha, I wouldn't be a bit suprised if a plane crashed into this here hotel tonight...." two) In a particular case the FAA ruled that a plane crash was caused by the plane coming to close to the ground. Three) A plane crashed after the tail stabilizer fell off. Upon investigating the FAA found that forty-seven (47) of the fifty (50) screws that held the stabilizer on were missing, but they were not sure if that was the cause of the accident. = = = = = = = From: emcmanus@gr.osf.org Organization: Open Software Foundation Research Institute, Grenoble Subject: Traffic violation From the London _Independent_, 16 November (The Week in Review): Alain Basseux, a laboratory technician, took umbrage at another driver on a roundabout in Yorkshire, pursued him for two miles, and when he stopped to call police on his car phone, yanked the door open, threatened to kill him if he drove so inconsiderately again, then kicked shut the door. He was conditionally discharged for two years on Wednesday, after his lawyer told the the court that such behaviour was customary in France and that Mr Basseux had been mortified when he discovered his victim was a director of the company that employed him. = = = = = = = From: ttl@cs.wisc.edu (Tony Laundrie) Subject: Even adders can multiply with a coat ================= NEWS OF THE WEIRD ================= This is a true story. A friend of my aunt was shopping in Green Bay recently. While driving home from a department store, the woman started feeling sick and hot and was turning purple and getting dizzy. When she started having trouble breathing, she went to the emergency room of the hospital. Nobody knew what exactly was happening, but they treated the woman for shock with antihistamines and other stuff. Eventually the doctors found some scratches in her neck, and from the symptoms they concluded that the woman had suffered from a snake bite. At first the woman didn't believe them. How could you get bitten by a poisonous snake and not know it?! But then she remembered... <wavy-lines-flashback> While trying on a winter coat at the store, the woman felt an annoying prick in her neck. It went away with readjustment, so she thought nothing of it. She decided not to buy to coat, and put it back on the rack. <wavy-lines-back-to-the-hospital> From the hospital the woman called the store and told them the story. Of course they thought she was crazy, but they took the coat into a back room and sliced it open anyhow. Lo and behold! There was a mother snake and three babies trapped in the lining!!!!! Yikes!! They must have crawled in and hibernated when the coat was assembled in Taiwan. The woman was quietly awarded a generous financial settlement. So folks, beware of coats made in Taiwan, and henceforth, before you try on anything new, throw it on the floor and stomp on it. = = = = = = = From: alex@tais.telecom.com.au Subject: Father Christmas Told to me by Ruth (my wife), who heard it from a friend who says its true. [cultural note: Father Christmas is the Australian equivalent of Santa Claus, St. Nicholas. He (all of them) sit in special areas of department stores prior to Christmas to hear children's Christmas requests] A little boy is taken to visit a department store Father Christmas by his parents. The little boy sits on the old man's knee and tells him what gift he'd like. A while later, in another store there is another Father Christmas. The parents again encourage the boy to sit on his knee. "What do you want for Christmas little boy?" The boy shouts, "You old liar, I knew you'd forget!". He jumped off the man's knee and kicked him in the shin. = = = = = = = From: uunet.uu.net!cellar!watmath!cellar.org!richh@watmath Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system Subject: People say the darndest things. I was in a local video store during a power failure. Guy behind me says "Damn. I wish the tv would come on so we could get some news and find out how long this blackout's gonna last!" "Hey, what's so funny?" was the next thing he said, as he saw the rest of us cracking up. -- Selected by Maddi Hausmann. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes. You think I have time to hand-correct everybody's postings? --- . Origin: (2:50/128.0@fidonet) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ --- lvm@module.vympel.msk.ru * Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
