Архив конференции Fidonet HUMOR.FILTERED,
нагло упертый мной с http://hf.kru.to/
(координатор - Евгений Плисс), и переведенный в html :-)
- HUMOR.FILTERED ---------------------------------------------- HUMOR.FILTERED - From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 21 Aug 95 08:31:56 Subj : 4 h.f. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ============================================================================= * Forwarded by Nikolay Baranov (2:5020/28.4) * Area : MO.BEER (MO.BEER) * From : Alexey Macsimoff, 2:5020/167 (15 Aug 95 18:29) * To : All * Subj : Updated: Alcohol Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide ============================================================================= Hi All! From: cxs242@psu.edu (Chuckie) Newsgroups: alt.drunken.bastards Subject: Troubleshooter's Guide ALCOHOL USERS' TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE. ------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ SYMPTOM | FAULT | ACTION TO BE TAKEN | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Drink fails to | Mouth not open | Buy another pint and practice in | give satisfaction | while drinking OR | front of mirror. Continue with | and taste. Shirt | glass being applied | as many pints as necessary until | front is wet. | to wrong part of | drinking technique is perfect. | | face. | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Drinking gives no | Glass is empty. | Find someone who will buy you | satisfaction and | | another pint. | taste. Glass is | | | unusually pale | | | and clear. | | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Feet wet and cold | Glass is empty. | Turn glass the other way up, so | | | that the open end is pointing at | | | the ceiling. | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Feet warm and wet | Incorrect bladder | Stand next to nearest dog. After | | control. | a while, complain to dog's owner | | | about the lack of house training | | | and demand a pint as | | | compensation | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Bar blurred | You are looking | Find someone who will buy you | | through the bottom | another pint. | | of an empty glass. | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Bar Swaying | Air turbulence is | Insert broom handle down back of | | unusually high. May | jacket. | | be due to darts | | | match. | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Bar Moving | You are being | Find out if you are being taken | | carried out. | to another pub, if you're not | | | complain loudly that you're | | | being hijacked by the salvation | | | army. | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You notice the | You have fallen | If your glass is full and no one | wall opposite is | over backwards. | is standing on your drinking arm | covered with | | then stay put. | ceiling tiles | | | and strip lights. | | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Everything has | You have fallen | As for falling backwards. | gone dim, and you | over forwards. | | have a mouthful | | | of broken teeth | | | and dog ends. | | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Everthing has | The bar is closing. | PANIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!! | gone dark. | | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You wake up to | You have spent the | Check your watch to see if it is | find your bed | night in the gutter. | opening time - if not then treat | cold, hard and | | yourself to a lie-in. | wet. You can't | | | see your bedroom | | | walls ceiling. | | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ C ya, Gloomy Alexey -+- -+- Пивной Редактор + Origin: Сегодня кончатся все деньги, сегодня пиво и блюз (2:5020/167) ============================================================================= Hello All! Best regards, Boris --- Ручка шариковая, цена 2.50.A0715+ * Origin: из-под дpевней стены ослепительный чиж (2:5020/113)
