Архив конференции Fidonet HUMOR.FILTERED,
нагло упертый мной с http://hf.kru.to/
(координатор - Евгений Плисс), и переведенный в html :-)
- HUMOR.FILTERED ---------------------------------------------- HUMOR.FILTERED - From : funny-request@clari.net 2:5020/293 27 Aug 95 21:32:00 Subj : The True News Digest part 19/22 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ┌----------------------------------------------------------------------------┐ Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293) Area : REC.HUMOR.FUNNY From : Funny Guy (2:50/128@fidonet), Thursday August 24 1995 05:25 Subj : The True News Digest part 19/22 └----------------------------------------------------------------------------┘ From: dbell@maths.tcd.ie (Derek Bell) Subject: Is Quayleitis contagious? Des O'Malley, an important minister in the Irish government, made the following comment about the Danish rejection of the Maastricht treaty: "The Maastricht treaty ... has been dealt, at least temporarily, a fatal blow." = = = = = = = From: baker@cs.stanford.edu (Andrew Baker) Subject: American workers and customers deserve each other This story is true. A store at the Stanford Shopping Center was having a 30% off sale. In front of me in line is this middle-aged woman who looks vaguely troubled as the clerk is totalling up her purchases. Finally, she asks the clerk, "Is it 30% off *each* *item*? Or only 30% off at the very end?" The clerk tells her that first they total up the purchases normally, and then they subtract the 30%. The woman seems even more troubled at this point, and then observes (to no one in particular), "You don't save very much that way...." = = = = = = = From: prichard@devon.larc.nasa.gov Organization: Lockheed Engineering & Sciences Co. Subject: radio ad a local AM radio station, WTAR, has been running ads for a hearing aid company. huh? = = = = = = = From: chh9@midway.uchicago.edu (Conrad Halton Halling) Subject: Motel joke One of the questions on a customer survey at the Hotel Metropole in Montreal: "How often do you come at the Hotel Metropole?" = = = = = = = From: drawson@tymnet.com (Dick Rawson) Subject: have a blast The Denver Museum of Natural History has a section on mining during frontier days. There is a small stack of DuPont No. 6 Blasting Cap boxes, labeled with the advice, Attach caps to fuse with a cap crimper, not with knife or teeth. = = = = = = = From: usr3946a@tso.uc.edu (Ken Meinken) Subject: error messages I think the best computer generated error message of all time is ( directly from the system log): IEC020I NON-ACCEPTABLE ERROR geesh! what about all the acceptable error the computer never told me about! In a related vein, one day I was greeted by the following logon message: *** TSO IS BACK TO NORMAL OPERATING PROCEDURES.......... WE ARE EXPERIENCEING HARDWARE PROBLEMS CAUSING DEGRADATION OF TSO.... hmmmm....true confessions???? = = = = = = = From: Another one of these POLISH VILLA things.@uunet.UUCPAnother one of these POLISH VILLA things. Subject: Sign Location Sometimes the location of a sign is says as much as the sign itself. Take these for example: ----------------------------------- | Cruise Ships - Use airport exit | ----------------------------------- - highway in San Diego, California All of the cruise ships I saw on the highway got off there. Or another good example: ------------------------------------------------- | Now entering the town of York. | | All Building codes will be strictly enforced. | ------------------------------------------------- It's next to a large field. There's not a building within a mile. Maybe the building codes were TOO strictly enforced? Or yet a third. ------------------------------------ | Big Flats - Planned and Growing. | ------------------------------------ It's next to their cemetary. Is this where Steven King gets his ideas? So keep your eyes open. You'll find sign locations most important at times. = = = = = = = From: bsingh@cory.berkeley.edu (Balraj Singh) Organization: EECS at University of California, at Berkeley Subject: food stamps Clipping in Newsweek :- From a letter to a dead person from the Greenville County (S.C.) Department of Social Services.. "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we have received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." = = = = = = = From: bsingh@cory.berkeley.edu (Balraj Singh) Organization: EECS at University of California, at Berkeley Subject: is this going to take too long??? Clipping in Newsweek :- "Is this going to take long? I've got someplace to go tonight." An 8-year old Chicago boy being questioned by detectives after he shot a girl classmate in the spine with a semiautomatic handgun. = = = = = = = From: dbd2x@kelvin.seas.virginia.edu (Dan Duncan) Subject: joke TRUE, ORIGINAL I was driving down the street the other day and I stopped behind a car with a bumper sticker reading "Jesus can heal YOU!" Of course, the car also had handicapped plates... = = = = = = = From: jonc@computing-department.poly-south-west.ac.uk (Jon Care) Subject: WP's are doing it for themselves. Note: PCAS is a system in the UK for the administration of college applications. PCAS form - Confidential statement by referee Mr xxx has positively uttered absurd premature eroticism of memoir for the BTEC National Sheepskin in Computer Discipline at this Lyceum. So dramatically he is arraying an excellent consequence in his garbage year. . . . The Poly replied... I am in receipt of a PCAS application from Mr xxx ( a copy of which is enclosed) I refer to the reference shown and would ask for your comments as to its authenticity. If the first paragraph was caused by a "gremlin" in the works perhaps you would send me an amended copy, however if this reference does not come from you your comments would be appreciated. . . . Dear Mrs. Green, I enclose the correct reference for Mr. xxx, a student in my tutor group at this college. I must apologise for the incorrect version which had been corrupted by a bug in my thesaurus on my system.. Although I had carefully checked the text on screen we did have to hurry the application process in December due to a threatened postal strike. CORRECTED FIRST PARA ==================== Mr. xxx has successfully completed his first year of study for the BTEC National Diploma in Computer Studies at this College, and so far he is showing an excellent progression in his second year. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A true story people, I kid you not. We do seem to get all the weirdoes here. Now that wasnt too depressing was it? -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@clari.net Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. Sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp. (http://www.clari.net) If you post instead of mailing, it screws up the reply-address sometimes. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. --- . Origin: (2:50/128.0@fidonet) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ --- lvm@module.vympel.msk.ru * Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
