Архив конференции Fidonet HUMOR.FILTERED,
нагло упертый мной с http://hf.kru.to/
(координатор - Евгений Плисс), и переведенный в html :-)
- HUMOR.FILTERED ---------------------------------------------- HUMOR.FILTERED - From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 21 Jan 96 13:07:40 Subj : [alt.sysadmin.recovery] Gift from a SysAdmin -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello All! Класс :) :), Leo. ┌----------------------------------------------------------------------------┐ Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293) Area : ALT.HUMOR.BEST-OF-USENET From : Martin Radford (2:50/128@fidonet), Saturday January 13 1996 18:49 Subj : [alt.sysadmin.recovery] Gift from a SysAdmin └----------------------------------------------------------------------------┘ X-RealName: Martin Radford RFC-Approved: ahbou-mod@acpub.duke.edu From: djc@cc.umanitoba.ca (D. Joseph Creighton) Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery,alt.sysadmin.bofh Subject: Gift from a SysAdmin I couldn't help but think that this would be a perfect gift from a SysAdmin (or for that matter, a BOFH) to their (l)users. Telepathic or not. Those of you who read the Oracularities, just pass on by. But for those of you who don't... ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 04 Jan 96 09:28:20 -0500 From: Usenet Oracle <oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu> Subject: Usenet Oracularity #805-06 Selected-By: Mark McCafferty <markm@reefmail.mincom.oz.au> The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh wonderful and wise Oracle tell me how would one implement a version > of Windows TP ...... windows for telepaths ? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You open the box labeled "Windows TP", carefully extracting the pouch } labeled "License Agreement". You examine the contents of the pouch, } finding an inflatable beanie bearing the Windows logo rather than the } familiar 3.5" diskette package. You inflate the beanie, insert two } "C"-size batteries (not included), and carefully place it on your head. } } You press the Start button. } } Immediately, the image of an hourglass comes to your mind. You find } yourself trapped; unable to move anything in your body save your eyes. } } After an indeterminable delay, you regain control of your senses. } You are suddenly compelled to speak your name and business affiliation. } You then retrieve your Windows TP package and chant the Product-ID } number. } } Suddenly you see the words "Windows is detecting new hardware" flash } before your eyes. } } You crash to the floor, writhing in agony. You feel every muscle in } your body contract and retract in turn. Your mind is filled with } the image of a blue inchworm, creeping slowly across a grey field. } The creature finally reaches the edge of its domain, and your seizure } ceases. You take a moment to regain your composure, and you are } reminded of your high school anatomy course as a complete listing of } every organ in your body appears before your eyes. You browse the } list for a moment, and utter the phrase "OK". After a short delay, } you hear the sound of a trumpet echo through the recesses of your mind. } } You find yourself in a large, barren space. You look around, and } discover images labeled "My Brain", "Recycle Bin, and "Set up the } Microsoft Network". You feel compelled to utter the word "Start", } after which a list of options floods your mind. Weary from the } detection phase, you utter the word "Shut down". You close your eyes, } and blackness surrounds you. You feel yourself start to drift into } sleep. Your peace is interrupted, however, as a bright orange light } invades your nothingness. "It's now safe to shut down your mind". } } You drift into unconsciousness, and sleep for several hours. } } When you awaken, you are frozen in place as you see clouds and blue } cycling colors. After a short eternity, the familiar "My Brain" } icon reappears in your mind. But something is terribly wrong; } you can feel it in your gut. Just outside the range of primary } vision, you can sense something lurking about you on all four sides. } You slowly look up, and see the word "Safe Mode" glaring back at you. } You back away slowly, swivel your head, and there it is, behind you } as well. Your heartbeat quickened and you are terrified as you turn } to your left and your right and it meets you there as well, its cold, } heartless glare filling your soul with despair. Quickly, you summon } Control Panel, System, Device Manager. You feel yourself frantically } gasping for air as you run through the list of installed devices. } You come upon "Respiratory System" and are horrified to see a black } exclamation point on a yellow field next to the entry "Lungs". } You close your eyes and utter the word "Properties". On the closed } curtains of your eyelids, you see your life flashing before your eyes. } } You force yourself to concentrate on your situation, attempting to } discover which system devices are in conflict, when suddenly your } entire body seizes up in pain. } } You lose all sense of reality. You are floating through the clouds as } you hear a voice echo through your mind: "This program has performed } an illegal operation and will be terminated." You start to black } out and suddenly you remember your situation. You stare in horror } at your blue extremities, knowing that, without oxygen, you will } not last much longer. With all the consciousness you can muster, } you force yourself... } } To reboot. } } You awaken in a place that is dark, but familiar. A solitary white } prompt on a black field greets you. You look behind you and see the } wreckage of the operating system that nearly spelled your demise. } "Cannot find a file that may be needed to run Windows". You turn } around to face the prompt, and a wide grin comes across your face. } You take a deep breath and revel in the life-giving atmosphere. } You laugh as you utter the words, } } "DELTREE WINDOWS". } } Suddenly you find yourself on the floor of your home. You find } the charred remains of the Windows TP beanie littering the floor. } You carefully gather them up, stack them neatly on an altar, and burn } them, promising yourself never to risk your life with Microsoft again. } You bury the ashes, knowing that your life is again in order. } } You owe the Oracle a copy of Windows TP and Bill Gates' home address. -- Moderators accept or reject articles based solely on the criteria posted in the Frequently Asked Questions. Article content is the responsibility of the submitter. Submit articles to ahbou-sub@acpub.duke.edu. To write to the moderators, send mail to ahbou-mod@acpub.duke.edu. --- . Origin: best of usenet humor (2:50/128.0@fidonet) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ --- lvm@module.vympel.msk.ru * Origin: Просьба отправлять на фильтрацию с сабджем 4hf. Спасибо (2:5020/293)
