из газеты © the eXile:
Distinguishing Features: Super DDD underwire suspension bra; never far from a gallon tub of domestic mayonnaise; Chinese-made tapochki.
Habitat:
Small kitchens in un-remonted apartments throughout Moscow. The
Mayonnaisus Infinitas is one of the most common species in the city.
Danger if Provoked:
The Mayonnaisus Infinitas has little natural fear of outsiders, and is
easily tamed with a box of Krasnyi Oktyabr chocolates or a bottle of
Massandra wine. However, it is highly protective of its young, and will
often subject prospective boyfriends to long conversations about
wallpaper designs and the relative merits of shopping at outdoor
markets vs. western-style supermarkets.
Mortal Weaknesses:
The Mayonnaisus Infinitas worries that its larva will never transform
from tall and thin beauties into the mature Mayonnaisus Infinitas, and
therefore insists on heaping mayonnaise on everything from fresh
vegetables to pasta dishes in hopes of speeding the transition. Serving
colorless food fried in cheap sunflower oil is another tactic it
commonly employs.
Comments: The Mayonnaisus Infinitas
rarely sleeps, and spends all waking hours making mayonnaise-based
concoctions while Mexican soaps drone in the background. It is
overprotective of its young, constantly nagging them about their
non-existent coughs, the need to protect against drafts, and the proper
level of attire on any given day. Such behavior is based less on a
sincere desire to protect its offspring than a physical need to instill
a guilt complex in its offspring. This is also done with a series of
traps, such as setting a series of curfews that it knows will be broken,
in order to make the offspring feel like they, rather than the
artery-blocking diet, are responsible for the Mayonnaisus Infinitas'
heart problems.